Angels with dirty faces

If Hitler would have had nukes, would have had his finger on the button in his bunker, in 1945. Would Europe still exist?

True geekdom!

Van nu.nl. Omdat daar geen link bij staat hier een andere.


"Een fan van Star Trek is bankroet nadat hij meer dan 17.000 euro had uitgegeven om zijn huis om te bouwen tot de Starship Voyager. De Britse flat van Tony Alleyne heeft speciaal gevormde muren, blauw schemerlicht en een levensecht model van de teleportatiekamer uit de serie.

Met zijn verbouwing hoopte Alleyne een trend te zetten. Echter, de verbouwing leverde alleen maar ellende op. Alleyne kwam diep in de schulden te zitten. Bovendien scheidde zijn vrouw van hem, nadat hij de koelkast had vervangen door een onhandig exemplaar uit Star Trek."

The funniest joke in the world

Dus nu gaan ze in het Midden-Oosten hun eigen cartoon-wedstrijd houden : wie maakt de meest kwetsende tekening? Ik denk zo dat de meesten zullen gaan over de Holocaust, Israel en de Tweede Wereldoorlog.

Kan iemand mij vertellen of het nog kinderachtiger kan?

Monty Python was zijn tijd ver vooruit..."

" Cut to a suburban house in a rather drab street. Zoom into upstairs window. Seriuos documentary music. Interior of a small room. A bent figure (Michael) huddles over a table, writing. He is surrounded by bits of paper. The camera is situated facing the man as he writes with immense concentration lining his unshaven face.
Voice Over This man is Ernest Scribbler... writer of jokes. In a few moments, he will have written the funniest joke in the world... and, as a consequence, he will die ... laughing.
Ernest stops writing, pauses to look at what he has written... a smile slowly spreads across his face, turning very, very slowly to uncontrolled hysterical laughter... he staggers to his feet and reels across room helpless with mounting mirth and eventually collapses and dies on the floor.
Voice Over It was obvious that this joke was lethal... no one could read it and live ...
The scribbler's mother (Eric) enters. She sees him dead, she gives a little cry of horror and bends over his body, weeping. Brokenly she notices the piece of paper in his hand and (thinking it is a suicide note - for he has not been doing well for the last thirteen years) picks it up and reads it between her sobs. Immediately she breaks out into hysterical laughter, leaps three feet into the air, and falls down dead without more ado. Cut to news type shot of commentator standing in front of the house.
Commentator (reverentially) This morning, shortly after eleven o'clock, comedy struck this little house in Dibley Road. Sudden ...violent ... comedy. Police have sealed off the area, and Scotland Yard's crack inspector is with me now.
Inspector I shall enter the house and attempt to remove the joke.
At this point an upstairs window in the house is flung open and a doctor, with stetoscope, rears his head out, hysterical with laughter, and dies hanging over the window sill. The commentator and the inspector look up briefly and sadly, and then continue as if they are used to such sights this morning.
Inspector I shall be aided by the sound of sombre music, played on gramophone records, and also by the chanting of laments by the men of Q Division ... (he indicates a little knot of dour-looking policemen standing nearby) The atmosphere thus created should protect me in the eventuality of me reading the joke.
He gives a signal. The group of policemen start groaning and chanting biblical laments. The Dead March is heard. The inspector squares his shoulders and bravely starts walking into the house.
Commentator There goes a brave man. Whether he comes out alive or not, this will surely be remembered as one of the most courageous and gallant acts in police history.
The inspector suddenly appears at the door, helpless with laughter, holding the joke aloft. He collapses and dies.
Cut to film of army vans driving along dark roads.
Voice Over It was not long before the Army became interested in the military potential of the Killer Joke. Under top security, the joke was hurried to a meeting of Allied Commanders at the Ministry of War.
Cut to door at Ham House: Soldier on guard comes to attention as dispatch rider hurries in carrying armoured box. (Notice on door: 'Conference. No Admittance'.) Dispatch nider rushes in. A door opens for him and closes behind him. We hear a mighty roar of laughter... . series of doomphs as the commanders hit the floor or table. Soldier outside does not move a muscle.
Cut to a pillbox on the Salisbury Plain. Track in to slit to see moustachioed top brass peering anxiously out.
Voice Over Top brass were impressed. Tests on Salisbury Plain confirmed the joke's devastating effectiveness at a range of up to fifty yards.
Cut to shot looking out of slit in pillbox. Zoom through slit to distance where a solitary figure is standing on the windswept plain. He is a bespectacled, weedy lance-corporal (Terry Jones) looking cold and miserable. Pan across to fifty yards away where two helmeted soldiers are at their positions beside a blackboard on an easel covered with a cloth.
Cut in to corporal's face - registening complete lack of comprehension as well as stupidity. Man on top of pillbox waves flag. The soldiers reveal the joke to the corporal. He peers at it, thinks about its meaning, sniggers, and dies. Two watching generals are very impressed.
Generals Fantastic.
Cut to a Colonel talking to camera.
Colonel All through the winter of '43 we had translators working, in joke-proof conditions, to try and produce a German version of the joke. They worked on one word each for greater safety. One of them saw two words of the joke and spent several weeks in hospital. But apart from that things went pretty quickly, and we soon had the joke by January, in a form which our troops couldn't understand but which the Germans could.
Cut to a trench in the Ardennes. Members of the joke brigade are crouched holding pieces of paper with the joke on them.
Voice Over So, on July 8th, 1944, the joke was first told to the enemy in the Ardennes...
Commanding NCO Tell the ... joke.
Joke Brigade (together) Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
Pan out of the British trench across war-torn landscape and come to rest where presumably the German trench is. There is a pause and then a group of Germans rear up in hysterics.
Voice Over It was a fantastic success. Over sixty thousand times as powerful as Britain's great pre-war joke ...
Cut to a film of Chamberlain brandishing the 'Peace in our time' bit of paper.
Voice Over ...and one which Hitler just couldn't match.
Film of Hitler rally. Hitler speaks; subtitles are superimposed.
SUBTITLE 'MY DOG'S GOT NO NOSE'
A young soldier responds:
SUBTITLE: HOW DOES HE SMELL?
Hitler speaks:
SUBTITLE: AWFUL'
Voice Over In action it was deadly.
Cut to a small squad with rifles making their way through forest. Suddenly one of them (a member of the joke squad) sees something and gives signal at which they all dive for cover. From the cover of a tree he reads out joke.
Joke Corporal Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! .. Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
Sniper falls laughing out of tree.
Joke Brigade (charging) Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
They chant the joke. Germans are put to flight laughing, some dropping to ground.
Voice Over The German casualties were appalling.
Cut to a German hospital and a ward full of casualties still laughing hysterically.
Cut to Nazi interrogation room. An officer from the joke brigade has a light shining in his face. A Gestapo officer is interrogating him; another (clearly labelled 'A Gestapo Officer') stands behind him.
Nazi Vott is the big joke?
Officer I can only give you name, rank, and why did the chicken cross the road?
Nazi That's not funny! (slaps him) I vant to know the joke.
Officer All right. How do you make a Nazi cross?
Nazi (momentarily fooled) I don't know ... how do you make a Nazi cross?
Officer Tread on his corns. (does so; the Nazi hops in pain)
Nazi Gott in Himmel! That's not funny! (mimes cuffing him while the other Nazi claps his hands to provide the sound effct) Now if you don't tell me the joke, I shall hit you properly.
Officer I can stand physical pain, you know.
Nazi Ah ... you're no fun. All right, Otto.
Otto (Graham) starts tickling the officer who starts laughing.
Officer Oh no - anything but that please no, all right I'll tell you.
They stop.
Nazi Quick Otto. The typewriter.
Otto goes to the typewriter and they wait expectantly. The officer produces piece of paper out of his breast pocket and reads.
Officer Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
Otto at the typewriter explodes with laughter and dies.
Nazi Ach! Zat iss not funny!
Bursts into laughter and dies. A guard (Terry G) bursts in with machine gun, The British officer leaps on the table.
Officer (lightning speed) Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
The guard reels back and collapses laughing. British officer makes his escape.
Cut to stock film of German scientists working in laboratories.
Voice Over But at Peenemunde in the Autumn of '44, the Germans were working on a joke of their own.
Cut to interior. A German general (Terry J) is seated at an imposing desk. Behind him stands Otto, labelled 'A Different Gestapo Officer'. Bespectacled German scientist/joke writer enters room. He clean his throat and reads from card.
German Joker Die ist ein Kinnerhunder und zwei Mackel über und der bitte schön ist den Wunderhaus sprechensie. 'Nein' sprecht der Herren 'Ist aufern borger mit zveitingen'.
He finishes and looks hopeful.
Otto We let you know.
He shoots him.
More stock film of German scientists.
Voice Over But by December their joke was ready, and Hitler gave the order for the German V-Joke to be broadcast in English.
Cut to 1940's wartime radio set with couple anxiously listening to it.
Radio (crackly German voice) Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der strasse, and von vas... assaulted! peanut. Ho-ho-ho-ho.
Radio bursts into 'Deutschland Über Alles'. The couple look at each other and then in blank amazement at the radio.
Cut to modern BBC 2 interview. The commentator in a woodland glade.
Commentator In 1945 Peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.
He walks away revealing a monument on which is written: 'To the unknown Joke'. Camera pulls away slowly through idyllic setting. Patriotic music reaches cresendo.
Cut to football referee who blows whistle. Silence. Blank screen.

CAPTION: 'THE END'"

De Beschaving van 2006

Niets aan toe te voegen.

Overdenkingen bij het haardvuur van de derde wereldoorlog

Ik hoor de christelijke leiders niet verkondigen dat hun gelovigen homo's van de flats moeten donderen, en een fatwa uitroepen over militairen uit een bepaald land, waarin een krant cartoons afdrukt, is ze ook te laag. Want een militair in Iraq heeft niets te schaften met met een krant in Kopenhagen.

Ik hoor van de christenen niet dat zij hun waarden koste wat kost - als het moet met geweld - willen opdringen aan de andersdenkenden. Ze verkondigen WEL dat ik in de Hel terecht zal komen en proberen me te - let op! : TE BEKEREN! En niet met het zwaard maar met woorden. Woorden, daar kan ik wel tegen hoor, dat is hun goed recht. Daar komen geen in je borst geprikte achtelijke briefjes over Ha-Lul en Ha-wil-je-een-RAM aan te pas.

Het is onzin als men zegt dat 'Je ons niet hoort over de SGP' omdat ze geen vrouwen op hoge posten willen hebben. Die discussie(wederom met WOORDEN) wordt al jaren keer op keer gevoerd. Maar dat is een discussie over godsdienstvrijheid versus democratie. Een discussie waarvan ze in de islamitische wereld niet eens weten hoe ze hem zouden moeten voeren.

Je hoort in Nederland niet dat er wordt opgeroepen tot het plegen van aanslagen op Saoudis of Iraniers omdat er daar 1 krant iets zegt over westerlingen. Je kunt een boycot beginnen, is je goed recht. Maar oproepen tot geweld betekent voor mij dat je geen serieuze gesprekspartner meer bent. Punt Uit!

Je ziet de christelijke kerk NIET oproepen tot Den Totalen Vernichtung van de islamitische beschaving. Andersom wordt dat continue gedaan en mag Israel als eerste een glazen parkeerterrein worden. Leest u de kranten ook even gezellig mee?

In de Islamitische wereld is het woord van god heilig. Allah, het zij zo. In mijn a-religieuze wereld is de vrijheid van het woord - zowel gesproken als geschreven - heilig. De uitvinding van de boekdrukkunst is wat mij betreft vele malen belangrijker dan het leven van Mohammed.

Wie geeft iemand dus het recht om hun heilige relikwieen boven die van mij te stellen? Niemand. Not in my book.

Dus Neen, Neen en nog eens NEEN! Mijn pappie en mammie en zo, hebben me maar 1 ding bijgebracht over dit soort zaken a la 40-45, over onderdrukking etcetera : Laat Nederland Nooit Meer Onder De Voet Lopen! Door Wie Dan Ook! Leer Van Die Onvoorbereidheid Die Al Die Mensen Het Leven Heeft Gekost.
Dat komt vanwege die wereldoorlog II en die joden en zo. Vanwege die holocaust die volgens die aardige meneer in Iran nooit is gebeurd. Alleen dat al maakt die knakkers volkomen ongeloofwaardig.

Zo lang er in Nederland verhit wordt gereageerd door het volk, en de politiek die geluiden afremt, terwijl het in Iran juist de Ayatollahs zijn die krankzinnig zijn en hun volk opzwepen, zolang zal die hele Islamitische inmenging in mijn zaken niet gaan lukken.En zolang zullen helaas de nederlandse moslims de wrange vruchten plukken van de oorlogszuchtige taal uit het Midden-Oosten.

Ik ben een groot aanhanger van die beroemde amerikaanse uitspraak "Give me liberty or give me death". Mensen die niet vechten voor hun eigen vrijheid zijn het niet waard die vrijheid te bezitten. En dat vechten begint hier en nu, eigenlijk heeft meneer Mohammed B. het startschot gegeven. Voorlopig wordt die strijd gevoerd met woorden alleen. Hopelijk blijft het daarbij maar ik reken er niet meer op. Maar dat zal niet van mij afhangen, dat hangt van de militante moslims af.

Maar als ze goddomme oorlog en onrust willen gaan veroorzaken dan kunnen ze de borst zelf ook netjes nat maken.

Want je legt je religieuze wil niet op aan de rest van de mensheid, valt eerst maar even dood.

Het is heel erg jammer dat de redelijke mensen ondertussen in de verdrukking komen, moslims, christenen, atheisten...

In elke strijd sterft de onschuldige het eerste, de onschuld als tweede, en de waarheid als derde...

TM.